Mind Games

You know you're in love when she's all you can think of during Math class and you feel uneasy because she's sitting right in front of you.

Or is that it?

If so, then you really must be in love. But then, of course, you're not, because you're too damn proud to admit that to yourself. Seriously, guys still do that?

That is stupid.

Of course you'd divert your attention and you'll notice the writings on the board. For some reason, they'd all seem confusing and you don't understand a thing anymore, so you'll move your eyes back to her because you've got no other better thing to see. That's it; that's the only reason why you look at her. You are bored.

And you thought you're in love? Please.

And so the day goes by without you actually doing anything. And the school works multiply, and the blank papers pile up because you can't think of anything to write. Your papers can always wait. When she enters your mind, you can't seem to do anything else. And you always wonder why she does that.

It annoys you that her smile looks different than the other girls'; that she wears well-fitting clothes and her face is devoid of all the gunk your other female classmates put on. Even more annoying is the fact that you even bother noticing these things at all. Hell, why do you even keep on thinking about her in the first place?

Because you love her. It's as simple as that.

No, you DON'T, you repeat to yourself. If you have to say it over and over for a day, you will, just so you won't forget. And so you ignore her and hang out with your friends, and you instead hit on a girl who is way 'hotter' than her. This girl, she has the looks that you can show off to your friends, and she can't just count her friends on both hands.  This girl, she's full package—she's smart, beautiful and sociable, she has money, and she's a model. She's perfect; a girl fit enough to be with someone of your level and status. You know your parents will be proud, and you're certain you'll die a happy man.

Now, you're in love. And you know it.

But in spite of that, you are still looking at the girl in your Math class, and you're thinking it's just because she's sitting right in front of you and that her hair is down and you think it's pretty, and that she should keep it that way. She's looking down and she's fervently scribbling on her notepad because there will be an upcoming exam, and she wants to keep her grades up. But you don't give a damn about anything anymore, because right now, you are looking at her. And you keep on staring at her, making excuses, excuses and more excuses. What do you need them for? You don't need any other reason to look at her anymore. From now on, you'll know it won't be bothersome and you're looking at her because you like it.

Because you love her, and you're finally admitting that. And you know you won't be able to keep on repeating 'I am not in love' to yourself anymore, because you know the truth now. And you're happy. For the first time, you are happy.

But then, of course, reality has to hit you hard on the face. And you'll realize it won't work out. Because you don't really love her.

Because she's not a model.